Diary Extract 47 July 29 1760

Tuesday, July 29 This morning I rose early ; I found my heart drawn towards the Lord, though still poorly in body. I have an inward persuasion that the Lord will at some period impart to me abilities for public work; and yet I am conscious that there must be a great change wrought in me, before I can be a proper person to labour in the word and doctrine. The Lord gave David encouragement that he would make him king of his people Israel; and yet how much had he to press through before he attained that honour! Thus it was with Joseph, and with the children of Israel; and so I am inclined to think it may be with me. May the Lord give me strength, and help me on so that I may see that all things are working together for my good!

Diary Extract 46 July 27 1760

Saturday, July 27 1 was in the morning weak and poorly in body ; but, blessed be God, not destitute of comfort. In reading Job i. in Clarke's Bible, I was much interested, and found much matter for useful meditation. Mr. Crabtree preached a funeral sermon for Mrs. Sarah Pickard, with which I was deeply affected. The text was, Ezek. xxiv. 16:6 Son of man.

Diary Extract 45 July 25 1760

Friday, July 25 In the forenoon I was happy in my mind, though but poorly in body. I had some sweet meditations when engaged in business. In the evening we had a meeting in the vestry. I delivered my thoughts on Prov. ii. 3, 4, 5: If thou criest after knowledge,' &c; but was much contracted in my ideas, and had not freedom of utterance. I have learnt that utterance, as well as knowledge, is the gift of God: 1 Cor. i. 5.

Diary Extract 44 July 23 1760

Wednesday, July 23 This day my mind has been closely engaged in meditating upon God's Word, in which I was very comfortable, and also in my devotional exercises. I felt a humble submission and reconciliation to the Lord's will, whatever it might be. My prayer to the Almighty was, that he would qualify me for whatsoever he might be pleased to call me to.

"O Lord, I know not what to do, but my eyes are upon thee." Thy thoughts are not as our thoughts but, if in thy wise counsel thou hast fixed upon me to be a chosen vessel to bear thy name to Gentile sinners, I earnestly implore that thou wouldst give me a right spirit, and bestow upon me every needful qualification for that most difficult and important work. If thou dost not call me to it, O Father, 'not my will, but thine be done!' Here I desire to rest, and beg that my unruly passions may never get the ascendancy, so as to draw me aside from thee and from the path of duty."

Diary Extract 43 July 22 1760

July 22, 1760 I had this day an interview with Mr Smith of Wainsgate. I opened to him the state of my mind. The advice he gave me was to apply with diligence to the study of the Scriptures, to attend to my secular employment as far as my health would permit and to wait till the Lord by his providence should show me more clearly what he would have me do. I told him it was my desire to take his advice in order that I might be useful in the work of the ministry but I found such a mixture of improper feelings of mind and particularly of pride in the thoughts of it that I was afraid it could not be of God; he, however, still advised me to take that course. O Lord, thou knowest my weakness, the pride of my heart and my utter inability for so awful a work.

Diary Extract 42 July 21 1760

Monday July 21 1760 four o clock pm I have just read over the second epistle of Timothy which is an excellent form of sound words both with respect to faith and practice. I desire to attend to it with application to myself and endeavour to improve by it. O that I may walk in the steps of young Timothy.

In the evening after family prayer I spent some time with my friend John Pratt and found considerable advantage from reading Henry's Exposition on the 14th chap of Hosea and from the conversation I had with him.

Diary Extract 41 July 18 1760

Friday July 18 1769 [The diary for this day and the preceding contains two beautiful passages from Her vey's Meditations and Milton's Paradise Lost Book VIII In the evening he subjoins]

I attended the funeral of Mrs Pickard. Mr Crabtree gave an exhortation from Rev xiv 13 Blessed are the dead that die in the Lord &c. It was a very affecting season. During the solemnity I was impressed with the idea that perhaps I was the next that might be taken out of our little community. My constitution is extremely weak and as far as I can judge I am in a declining state. O that I may be every moment in actual readiness for that great change which has now passed upon our deceased sister. Four or five days ago she was in a better state of health than I am at present and now she is gone. Her body is committed to the dust and her spirit ascended to God that gave it.