Diary Extract 36 July 6 1760

July 6 1760 This being the ordinance day though but weak and feeble in my outward man I endeavoured in the morning, along with my partner in life who was also indisposed, to pour out my supplications to the Lord beseeching him to have compassion on me to heal my wounded soul and prepare me to come to his table with true brokenness of heart and penitential sorrow. O that we may come thirsting for God as the hart thirsteth for the cooling brooks! The sermons today were intended as a funeral discourse occasioned by the death of J Shackleton. Psalm xcii 15 He is my rock and there is no unrighteousness in him. At noon I had some conversation with a brother respecting some rather unfavourable reports as to his character but from his explanation I concluded that his conduct had been misrepresented. I can truly say that I was induced to speak to him from love to him as well as for the satisfaction of my own mind but I am afraid what I said was not well received. I found my mind uneasy on the subject in the afternoon service and at the Lord's table especially during the former part of the time. Towards the close I was more composed and was enabled to look to a crucified Saviour in the exercise of faith though not without some doubts intermixed. I formed new resolutions to walk in the ways of God; may he give me strength to perform the vows I have made. If I remember right this is the twentieth time that I have sat down at the Lord's table with my brethren; perhaps I have not often to join with them in this world at this sacred feast this may be the last opportunity. O that I may drink the wine new in the kingdom of my Father. In the evening we had a meeting at our house at which many of our neighbours attended. J Ross came to our assistance. I read my imperfect notes of the sermons and found my heart enlarged in prayer.