Diary Extract 16 April 30 1760

April 30 In the morning I read some account of the life of Mr John Draper.* He was a very eminent Christian. He lived a life of strict holiness, and died when about my age. O that I may follow his steps, and like him live and die!

Another month is come to a close; I have the same complaints to make as at the beginning. I have been chargeable with many sins of the heart, and many also in word and action. I have made but little progress in the ways of holiness, and gained but little advantage over the evil propensities of my heart. I have indeed formed many resolutions to walk more circumspectly, to be more constant and fervent in the private and public exercises of religion; but I have failed in the performance, and fallen into lukewarmness and indifference. I have been of but little use in my family, in the world, or in the church of God. My life has been one continued scene of imperfection and sin. If I had done all that the law of God requires, I should still have been 'an unprofitable servant.' What then shall I say of myself, since I have come so very far short of its righteous demands in every particular? I am a sinner, butblessed be God for Jesus Christ.

O Lord, I confess

To thee my distress,

And acknowledge my folly and sin;

How prone I'm to stray

From thy righteous way

How imperfect my actions have been.

The hymn of which the above verse is a part was composed at this time, and was many years after inserted in the volume of original hymns which he published.

* A spiritual legacy: being a pattern of piety for all young persons practice in a faithful relation of the life of Mr John Draper by Christopher Ness

Biography by his son

This book which I downloaded in electronic form and read on kindle is a full and leisurely account of the life and ministry of the author's father. It includes many quotes from Fawcett's journal, letters to and from him and his poetry. A rambling book, its 440 pages could easily be reduced by half and still be worth reading. I read it at a quick pace seeking out information for a paper I am to give on Fawcett next month. Fawcett, a Particular Baptist pastor in Hebdenbrodge, Yorkshire, was clearly a godly man, a fine preacher and a force to be reckoned with in his day (1740-1817). At the end of the book are two of his sermons.

Family

In 1759, still only 20, Fawcett married Susannah Skirrow (1736-1810) from Bingley, known as Susy, five years his senior. They had no children for the first eight years but in due time they had at least four children, Sarah (1766-1785) who died aged only 18; John (1768-1837), his later biographer; Stephen (1769-1774) who died when he was only 4 and Jane (1772-1811).

Diary Extract 15 April 15 1760

Tuesday, April 15 This day I composed some verses, applicable to the present state of our church; intended to be sung at our meeting to-morrow morning.

Lord we are met to seek thy face,
With fasting and with prayer;
Consider all our sad distress,
And lend a gracious ear.

Hast thou not been our hope and trust,
Our shield and our defence;
When wilt thou raise us from the dust,
And drive our sorrows hence?

Look down in mercy, gracious Lord,
Heal every bleeding wound;
Let former favours be restored,
And ancient joys abound.

'Tis for our sins thy face is hid,
Thou God of truth and grace,
Help us to search as Israel did,
And try our hearts and ways.

Hast thou not promised in thy Word
To hear thy children's cry?
O turn us to thee, glorious Lord,
And help us ere we die.

Shall thy afflicted Zion mourn,
And seek her God in vain ?
Wilt thou not to thy church return,
And build her walls again?

Diary Extract 14 April 13 1760

Lord's Day, April 13 This morning I had some more discourse with the two persons before mentioned; but did not find my mind impressed as I wished to do in my morning devotion.- Quicken me, O Lord!

Mr Crabtree preached AM from 1 Thess. i. 10: 'And to wait for his Son from heaven.'

O Lord, enable me to improve by the solemn truths I have heard, so that I may double my diligence, and be found at thy coming ready to meet thee! Prepare me to come to thy table, and partake of thy holy Supper. Pardon my unfitness for that sacred feast, and make me a worthy partaker of it.

In attending to the ordinance at the close of the afternoon service, my natural passions were affected, but, alas! my heart was at too great a distance from God; O Lord help me, for Jesus' sake!

Diary Extract 13 April 12 1760

Saturday, April 12 Gracious God, look upon me this morning; in tender mercy forgive my sins, sanctify my heart, and grant that I may be found to thy praise both in life and death! We are this day refreshed by the company of some of our friends from Sheffield, who are come to spend the Sabbath, and partake of the Lord's Supper. Two of them lodge at our house. We had much profitable conversation with them.

Sheffield is nearly 50 miles south of Bradford

Diary Extract 12 April 9 1760

Wednesday, April 9 I was enabled to go through my duties of a temporal and spiritual nature with some degree of pleasure. In the evening and part of the following day we were favoured with the company of Mr Hartley. He lodged at our house. The conversation which I and my companion in life, who had been exercised with some indisposition and gloominess of mind, had with him, was truly edifying. He prayed affectionately with us. I cannot but admire his abilities, and esteem his acquaintance a great privilege.

O Lord to thee I lift mine eye;

Attend unto my humble cry;

Let thy kind hand some gift bestow,

And make me useful here below.

Diary Extract 11 April 7 1760

Monday, April 7 This evening it pleased God of his abundant mercy to visit my soul, to enkindle fresh ardour in my breast, and to draw my heart out after him. I found much pleasure in social converse with a friend from Idle*, and afterwards in reading.

* 5 miles north of Bradford

Diary Extract 10 April 2, 1760

Wednesday, April 2 I this day composed the following verses, to be subjoined to the former.

The blossoms that adorn each bough

Shall teach my song a nobler lay;

Thus may my warm devotion grow,

And yield more grateful smell than they.

The flowers that deck the humble vale,

Expanded wide by Phœbus shine;

Their fragrance shall my sense regale,

And teach me lessons all Divine.

Diary Extract 9 April 1 1760

 April 1, 1760.

RETURN OF SPRING

Welcome bless'd season of the year,

My heart is glad at thy return

April proclaims the summer near;

Rejoice, ye swains, no longer mourn.

The stormy winter now is o'er,

The nipping frosts begin to cease;

Awake, my heart, adore the Power

That forms creation as he please.

He bids the northern breezes blow;

The piercing wind obeys the Lord:

His hand bestrews the falling snow,

And nature trembles at his word. 

Again he rolls the seasons round;

Once more the blooming spring appears;

A thousand beauties clothe the ground,

And earth her brightest garment wears.

Once more my wishful eyes shall see

Nature put on her gay attire;

The grassy mead, the budding tree,

I'll view with transport, and admire.

Oft wakeful with the rising dawn,

I'll watch fair Phœbus gently rise;

My feet shall tread the flowery lawn,

With inward pleasure and surprise.

 I'll join the songsters of the grove;

The lark shall teach my matin song;

Of her I'll learn to mount above,

And praise my God with thankful tongue.

I'll strive more grateful thanks to pay;

With all the winged tribe I'll vie;

'Your Lord for me took human clay,

To live for me, for me to die.'

Thus my enraptur'd soul shall sing,

Creating and redeeming grace;

And thus improve the cheerful spring

With songs of gratitude and praise.

This morning I did not rise till nearly six. After my usual devotions, I entered upon the labours of the day, during which I composed the foregoing meditation. At noon I was too prodigal of my time; in the afternoon I was not so comfortable as in the former part of the day. In the evening I went to the meeting; Mr Crabtree was there; he talked very closely to one of our number, who seems to be too much taken up with the things of this present evil world.