Diary Extract 32 June 30 1760

Monday, June 30, 1760 This morning I rose about six being faint in body and still worse in mind I found great backwardness to prayer and every thing that is good. I did indeed retire as usual but had no spirit of supplication. I fear the Lord has a controversy with me and that the Holy Spirit is grieved. About nine I kneeled down and prayed and was more engaged in the work. I then resolved with myself to begin anew to seek the Lord. I thought on my ways with earnest desires to turn my feet unto his testimonies. In the evening I took a walk to Farsley where I had some Christian conversation with a few friends on the temptations to which young persons are exposed. It was a pleasing and profitable interview.

Diary Extract 31 June 27 1760

Friday, June 27, 1760 This morning I rose about six in pretty good health but instead of composing my thoughts and offering unto God the first fruits of the day I spent some time in a trifling manner and afterwards found it more difficult to bring my mind to devotional exercises. In the afternoon I spent one precious hour in idleness which I found to be prejudicial and painful on reflection. Oh, let not that sin have so much dominion over me. In the evening I found myself weak and indisposed.

Diary Extract 30 June 26 1760

June 26, 1760, When I rose this morning I found my self much better in my outward man. At noon I read some very affecting passages in the History of New England. In the evening a lecture was preached by Mr Oulton of Liverpool from 1 Tim iv:8. He delivered many important and glorious truths. After the meeting I had some conversation with a brother who had for some time withdrawn from us but was made sensible of his fault and desirous to return. I was well satisfied with what he said and told him I could embrace him in the arms of Christian love and had no hard thoughts of him.

Diary Extract 29 June 25 1760

Wednesday, June 25, 1760 This morning I found myself a little better and felt a degree of thankfulness for it. I rose soon after six, my pains being a little removed. My desire is that the Lord would do me good by this affliction so that it may tend to purge me from sin, bring me nearer to God, make me partaker of his holiness and thereby yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness. In order to this I would now examine what sins I have indulged and what duties neglected. Search me O God and try my reins and heart. I am conscious that I am chargeable with misspending my precious time and neglecting my business. I have also been deficient in private prayer and Divine meditation. O Lord, pardon my hypocrisy and formality.

Diary Extract 28 June 24, 1760

Tuesday, June 24, 1760. This morning I was, as I have been for some time, afflicted with a pain at my stomach. I engaged in my work and was helped in the forenoon to redeem my time in some degree although I found it very difficult on account of bodily indisposition. My thoughts were much occupied with the subject of death. There is only one thing that seems to distress my mind in the prospect of it which is my present situation as to worldly circumstances. In the afternoon, I was much the same though rather worse towards evening so that I could not go to the meeting and found it difficult to perform family and private duties. On retiring to rest, I took some medicine and slept pretty well.

Diary Extract 27 June 22, 23, 1760

Lord's Day, June 22, 1760 When I rose this morning I found myself in better health than for some time but was criminal in not taking the first opportunity for private prayer. I found my heart drawn out in gratitude at breakfast, the good creatures of God were very nourishing to my body. O that my soul may thus be fed with the bread of life and the new wine of the heavenly kingdom this day. After this I spent a little time in meditation and then engaged in family worship. I read Psalm cxlv which was very precious to me. There are several exhortations to men in general to praise God and to good men in particular. Several encouraging promises are given to the latter as that the Lord is near them and will hear their prayer. At nine I went into my parlour and endeavoured to pour out my soul before God after which I went to the house of God weak in body but pretty comfortable in mind.

June 23
O Lord be thou my strength and guide

And keep me ever near thy side

Restore my soul whene'er I stray

And lead me in the perfect way

Cleanse me from sin increase my faith

And help me both in life and death.

Diary Extract 26 June 16 1760

Monday June 16, 1760, About four in the morning I was called up to pray with a female apparenttly near her end - afterwards I went to visit a friend about three miles out of the town accompanied by two of our brethren. We found him a feeble state but comfortable. He spoke of goodness of God and seems to have a firm faith in him. We all engaged in prayer and committed him to God. When I returned home I had an opportunity of conversing with Mr Crabtree, Mr Hartley and Mr Smith.* Their discourse was very pleasing and edifying. We spent some time at Ed Watson's and afterwards went to John Firth's.

Several important subjects were discussed with great seriousness and ability and Mr Smith concluded with earnest prayer to God. When I am in the company of these persons I am ready to think I have scarcely begun to act the part of a rational creature much less that of a Christian. O that I might now begin to live agreeably to what I profess.

* William Crabtree (1720-1811) who went on to pastor at Westgate, Bradford; James Hartley (1722-1780) who founded West Lane Baptist Church, Haworth; Richard Smith (c 1713-1763) the church's first minister, 1750-1763.

Diary Extract 25 June 13 1760

Friday June 13, 1760, While engaged in the labours of this day my thoughts have been employed on what relates to my soul and my brethren in the church of God. I was much delighted in considering myself and them as pilgrims, travelling towards the Heavenly Jerusalem. O that my conduct may always show that I am seeking a better country than that in which I now dwell.